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[The feed flicks on to show an image of a large blue penguin man, lounging on a couch that is a little too small to fully support his generous bulk. Hinoto-Ri's apartments are apparently not quite one size fits all. Still, though, he's making due.]

So... anybody else get the feeling that Madame Butterfly's aim mighta been just a tad off when he plucked you up outta your world to fight in his little war? I'm not exactly what most people think of when they hear the word 'hero,' after all. That Luigi fella, Samus - hell, even the Captain - any of them woulda been a much better choice. I've had enough conflict and bloodshed for one lifetime, and I sure as shootin' don't intend to get involved in another pointless turf war with no end in sight.

[Collecting himself for a moment, DeDeDe takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly in a long sigh. Glancing to his left, he affectionately pats the large hammer propped up next to him. Just a moment to reflect on a brighter time - days long since passed.]

But there's one thing I do know how to do, so I figure maybe I was brought here for that instead. I've been around this city once or twice, and all I see's a bunch of uptight prudes worryin' their heads off over every little thing. And y'know what all that worryin' is gonna get you in the end? Fat lot of nothin', that's what. You all need to relax a little - kick back, tie one on, let go a little bit and enjoy life. Trust me, you've got a good thing goin' here. This city's a nice place. Hell of a lot nicer than the shithole I came from, anyway. Take a minute to think about that and appreciate it. After all, all work and no play... well, you know the rest.

[He chuckles a bit before flashing a small smile.]

Well, I've said my piece. Take it or leave it. Now, where's a man go to have a little fun 'round here?

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[ Normally Pit would be excited that another Brawl contender remembered the others, but, uh... ]

Is that...you...King Dedede? You look, um. Different.

[That just earns a hearty laugh from the penguin king as he pats his stomach.]

Yeah, I guess I have put on a little weight lately. Didn't expect to see you here, though. Been struttin' that cute little angel butt on the streets? You better have more to show for it than you did last week, because that was fuckin' pathetic.

[ PIT did not seem to understand the command "strut your cute little angel butt and show more for it". Please restart and try again. ]

Well? Cat got your tongue, boy?

...yeah, you're definitely not the King Dedede I know. Because he'd have no idea who I am.

[ Bitter 4th wall breaking Brawl contestant is bitter. ]

And what does he mean by 'cute angel butt'?

[All right, this is starting to piss him off. DeDeDe angrily slams his free hand down on the couch, sitting up in place.]

The hell I'm not! First Zelda's got no idea who I am, and now you're spoutin' off shit like that? I don't know what's goin' on in this place, but somebody had better start explainin' all this.

[Somebody means you at the moment, Pit.]

Somebody's new.

Listen: that Philemon guy can bring anyone here. And take 'em out apparently. That means anyone from any time. And any place. Any world.

Whatever Pit you knew back in your world? Wasn't me.

That a fact? Then how 'bout this, smart guy: how do you know you're not the same one, from before you were workin' for me?

Because you look like some fat guy cosplaying as King Dedede.

You watch your damn mouth. I'm the one who set you up with a job and a place to stay after the cannibal took out Angel Land. If it weren't for me, your ass'd be out on the streets like those immigrants in the slums, fightin' each other for scraps and beggin' for handouts.

I am not. The same. Pit. Why don't you take your own advice about loosening up for a change?

Hard to argue with that.

[Another laugh.]

Got just as much of a mouth on you as the one I know, though. Just be glad you don't have to use it to make a living like he does.

Whatever.

[ Thankfully Pit is "angel 13" and that soared right over his head.

Either because of that or because he is an idiot. ]

Anyway, the Zelda who's here probably isn't the one you know, either. And I don't mean different the way me and that other Pit are different. Sounds like you're from some weird Super Smash Brothers Brawl universe where everyone actually knows each other instead of it being just me because my latest game breaks the fourth wall a lot.

[ Mind, he's NOT BITTER about this. AT ALL!!!!!!! ]

If that's the case then you better get your eyes checked, 'cause that Zelda's from Ocarina of Time, not Twilight Princess. She's much, much prettier than the one in Twilight Princess!

Not that Twilight Princess Zelda is ugly. She's just kind of scary. And she kicked my butt a lot.

Edited 2013-02-11 02:22 (UTC)

[Thank goodness for that. Of course, based on the conversation so far, he half expected it to anyway. DeDeDe just smirks a bit.]

Prettier than the one back home, too. Thought somethin' was up the minute I saw her. Different worlds, though... that sure is a hell of a thing. Sounds like you all are from some kinda magical candyland world where nothin' ever goes wrong. Must be nice.

[He's not bitter about this either. Clearly.]

Not exactly...

[ There was that whole near brush with death thing. And knowing what he does about The Legend of Zelda... ]

Come to think of it, even Kirby got a raw deal in his last two games! First he was split into ten pieces, then he got betrayed by that little alien dude with pointy ears! But you were mean to him in the first one. I dunno about the second. It's like they can't make up their minds whether you're a bad guy or a good guy!

It was pretty funny though when you got pulled out of the ground with the flower on your head.

Kirby?

[Okay, yeah, different worlds or no, that definitely gets a reaction out of him. His entire body tenses with anger upon the mere mention of the name, and his fist tightens around the haft of his hammer.]

What the hell do you know about that piece of shit puffball?

I guess you went back to hating him.

[ do you ever just

wish your character was not such an idiot ]

Back to nothin' - that little fucker ruined my life! But I s'pose the Kirby you know is made of cotton candy and farts sunshine.

I don't think Kirby has a, um...

[ yeah let's not ]

...sorry to hear that.

...Well, what's done is done. Not much I can do about it anymore.

Your world sounds kinda messed up. I guess it's good Phil brought you here.

Messed up ain't even the half of it, kid.

Guess so.

My world's not so bad, all things considered. Things haven't been easy, especially not in my last game, but it's... Something I miss.

Not to brag or anything.

Yeah... sounds like it. Believe me, it could be a lot worse. And even the good times never last forever, so enjoy it while you can.

[ Pit's not sure what to say to that.

Times like these he wishes he were more experienced. Sure, he almost died, and sure, he's seen his share of war, but that's not enough, is it? He doesn't know what it's like to live a truly miserable life. All he can offer are pithy little statements that feel like they don't help at all.

He lowers his head, rubbing his hair--and, in the process, knocking his laurel crown at a crooked angle. ]

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Yeah.

[DeDeDe lets out a small chuckle and smiles a bit. It's definitely the world-weary smile of someone who's seen things no man ever should. But the penguin is nothing if not a survivor, and if nothing else, he always knows how to make the best of a bad situation. If you can't smile even when the world's dealing you nothing but shit cards, you're as good as dead anyway, he figures.]

Prob'ly got off on the wrong foot there, but it wasn't all bad. You take care of yourself, now.

[As gruff and unwashed as his demeanor is, and as bitter as he is about the state of his world at home, there's still a noble heart of sorts under that rough exterior. DeDeDe doesn't truly wish misfortune on anybody ~~except Kirby~~, and it warms his heart just a little to see a hale and hearty Pit here in Hinoto-Ri.]

_{[Rather than a normal video response being sent, a blatantly two-dimensional image of a girl flickers into being.]}

That depends on the sort of fun you're looking for. Hinoto-Ri has gotten ways to kill time down to an art form.

Edited (grammar derp) 2013-02-12 22:23 (UTC)

Well, if it ain't our fancy new digital guidebook. They sure picked a cutie. Guess it's good to have someone easy on the eyes answerin' all the tough questions. So, how 'bout it, then - what's this town got to offer?

...Well, I do take pride in being a presentable host. Anyway.

_{[*Hyun-ae briefly turns away to tap at empty air, causing a map of Hinoto-Ri to appear.]}

We're... I mean, you're currently located here, in the Pisces Ward. I suppose I'll go in order of what's closest. Directly to your south in red we have the Aries Ward and its Great Arena, where Persona Duels are usually held. But that's out of commission due to a recent terrorist attack. I believe a few local musicians are holding fundraising concerts to help repair the damage.

_{Aquarius is just schools, so skip that...} Capricorn, directly to your north, is basically an open park. Not much to say there. Then we have southernmost district, the Taurus Ward. To be short about it, it's Hinoto-Ri's dedicated Red Light district. I've attached a list of notable establishments, since it's a little long - the most iconic of them, by far, would have to be Nyx's bar.

_{[As she names off places, they in turn are marked on the map.]}

Next to Taurus, in yellow, is the Gemini Ward. It's dominated by Mount Utsugi, which is popular sightseeing, but I don't really trust the place considering what it turns into during the 13th hour... but that's just my opinion. In gray is the Cancer Ward, the technological hub of Hinoto-Ri. There's a non-alcoholic lounged named Tappers there, devoted to serving root beer, and in general it's a paradise for the tech-savvy.

In green is the Virgo Ward, which is basically a love letter to the contents of your wallet. I doubt there's a person alive who's taken a walk though there without buying something on the way... finally, there's the Scorpio Ward, which is summarily devoted to being aesthetically strange and pleasing at once! It's also stuffed full of things you'd consider more high-concept entertainment... museums, art galleries, concert halls. That sort of thing.

...my word, that's a lot to keep track of. I didn't zoom through it too quickly, did I?

[Have an impressed whistle.]

You sure are thorough. So... red light district.

[Of course he'd zero in on that first.]

How much action's that place usually see? Y'see, I'm somethin' of a businessman myself, and I was thinkin' of settin' up shop. What do you know about this Nyx fella? Sounds like a pretty big mover and shaker. Gotta check out the competition, y'know?

_{[She had a feeling he might, from his initial question.]}

During the day it's understandably quiet, but... well, I've yet to record a night where it wasn't bursting with people. As for Nyx, I mostly know that she's a powerful demon - I do have a photo of her on file.

_{[The map of the city slides offscreen, to be replaced by the aforementioned image.]}

When it comes to the demons around here, it's an iffy bet whether the legends you can find correctly apply to them or not... otherwise I'd offer you a few myths to peruse.

She, huh? Now that changes everything.

[He sits back, laughing and grinning.]

Sounds like I've got my work cut out for me.

[DeDeDe may be a disgusting pig and a bit of a chauvinist, but he's definitely no fool. Powerful women should be taken seriously.]

Indeed. She and her partner Lilith are two of the most prominent demons in Hinoto-Ri.

_{[and this is the part where *Hyun-ae waxes romantic, affecting a dreamy kind of look.]}

I heard that their wedding was quite the event...!

[Two female demons, huh? He smirks a bit.]

I'll have to stop in sometime, give 'em my regards.

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[ video ] - I APOLOGIZE FOR EVERYTHING HE WILL EVER SAY TO PIT /cryingfaces

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