002

[forceofnature]

[voice, public]
[Viridi has learned her lesson.

...Well no she hasn't she never does, but she can at least recognize the fact that the people here were too stupid to be expected to understand why gods needed to communicate the way they did.  Or how, exactly, this sort of communication worked. 

The telepathic broadcast is once again aimed to everyone within the city.  Instead of ringing directly in the ears of the unwashed masses, though, it seems to be reverberating from their communications devices instead.  There's an oddly echoing quality to it, and they'll find that her voice is impossible to shut off through the COMP, but hey.  She tried.]

So.

You've all been busy.  Paying visits to the mysterious 'Velvet Room', huh?

I couldn't help but notice that you're all practically lining up out the door to do favors for some strangers you don't know from Adam.  I'd call it altruistic, but we all know you're just hoping to get some shiny trinkets out of it.  A new weapon here, a better Persona there...  Call me crazy, but it's almost like you're making offerings in the hopes of receiving a blessing from some higher power you're pretty sure is benevolent.  Isn't it weird how familiar that sounds?  And you know, come to think of it, I could use a spare hand for some fetch quests, too.  Since you're all just so eager to be helpful, I'm sure you have time to spare.

Of course, I don't need anyone's faith, but a few favors here and there might just mean some handy-dandy divine intervention in your future.  I'm a goddess of my word.

You can even ask Pit!  My Treasure Hunt board had the ideal balance of difficulty to reward.  Palutena's was the lamest thing ever and Hades basically made his for sadists.  So act fast!  Once I've got what I want, you're just plain old out of luck.

Comments

[forceofnature]

Gee. A complex mathematical set. I'm wounded beyond words.

Sorry, bub. No revealing the treasure beforehand. It's right in the manual under Section IIIb: Giving Pointless Side-quests.

[tangentlion]

Then no deal, sister. I don't work for surprises!

[forceofnature]

You're never going to get anywhere in life with that attitude. Surprises make the world go round.

[tangentlion]

Surprises also make you dead. No no no no. I like to have all the variables before I calculate my next move! Especially when dealing with deriving deities.

[forceofnature]

That's impossible. You'd be Maxwell's demon if you could manipulate a situation like that; the best a human can manage is to identify enough variables to predict an outcome with a certain probability.

I can promise you anything, but you'll never know the variables of whether or not I'm trustworthy or if I'm giving you something for an external motivation that you'd regret in the long run.

See? You should leave the calculations up to the omniscient.

[Not that Viridi was omniscient.]

[tangentlion]

Heheheh! Who's to say I'm NOT Maxwell's Demon? I'm not some one dimensional human, yoctogram.

So basically you aren't worth the oxygen I'm expending to talk to you. Got it. Thanks for the info.

So you're omniscient. What color are my underwear? I want the EXACT hex code! [HA. THE PERFECT TEST.]

[forceofnature]

Ew! Pervert! Like I'm wasting my divine powers looking down your pants, you disgusting creep!

[tangentlion]

So you're not omniscient! Ha! I win!

[forceofnature]

Yeah, you win a space on the List of Humans Even Worse Than All the Others. Congratulations, now go away.

[tangentlion]

You never answered my original query, yoctogram! What do you have to offer? A way out of here? I need to get back to my original coordinates.

[forceofnature]

All you're getting is a swift kick in the rear, you buffoon.

And you can go home whenever you want; good grief.

[tangentlion]

Wait.

What?

[forceofnature]

Of course, that doesn't mean they won't bring you back five minutes later. After all, time works a bit differently here.

[tangentlion]

Arghhhh! You factoring hectopascal!! You can't just say things like that!

[forceofnature]

Why not? It's true! All you have to do is ask and you can go home.

[tangentlion]

You can send me home. Just like that!

[forceofnature]

Not me, you doofus. Them! Philemon? Guy with a weird thing for butterflies? Ring a bell?

[tangentlion]

... Are you kidding. We can just... ask him to send us home?

[forceofnature]

But like I said.

That's not to say you won't just come right back again.

[tangentlion]

Why the factor does that zero want us here so bad anyway.

[forceofnature]

He's probably a masochist.

[tangentlion]

Ha. Ha. Ha. But seriously. What's the factoring point?

[forceofnature]

How would I know?

What's the point of your stupid math puns? To be annoying, right? Same thing.

[tangentlion]

You're the one who says she's a deity. You sure don't know much for one.

Annoying? Is that the new word for "amazing"?

[forceofnature]

Your wit is truly astounding in its originality and amplitude. I laud you for your integral contribution to the field.