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02 [Text]

[Bro is bored. Real bored. Not that he misses the insane hectics from the Medium too much. Nah, it's his old life that he misses. His apartment, his stuff, his brother... Lil Cal's a great bro, but there's nothing like your own flesh and blood bro.

Either way, a bored Bro is a Bro who's prone to pulling ridiculous stunts.]

ATTENTION EVERYBODY!!! its time for a pop quiz!

you didnt study? dont worry. there is no studying. this only needs common sense. better hope youre not a total idiot.

get all answers right and earn yourself a fabulous prize.

1. coca cola or pepsi?
2. boxers or briefs? (if you are a lady or like to wear ladys underwear: thongs or briefs?)
3. is the pen mightier than the sword? motivate your answer.
4. how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
5. whats the airspeed velocity of an unladen european swallow?
6. cats or dogs?
7. why is the grass green?
8. so youre sitting in a diner drinking your coffee and suddenly you look out the window and see bigfoot robbing the bank across the street. what do you do?
9. 3 + 3 x 7 - 19 / 4
10. if a tree falls in the forest and theres nobody around to hear it does it make a sound?

no cheating! anyone who answers the first question with diet anything will be taken out back and shot.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sarah stares at the post for a while before shrugging and deciding to fill it out, mostly because why not?

1. No longer exist.
2. Thongs. Side-tie if possible.
3. It's more precise, at least - if you don't hit an eye socket you're not killing squat with it.
4. None; there's no way any animal could get past the security on the vaults.
5. They're extinct.
6. Dogs taste better, cats are just way too gamy.
7. Beats me; I never saw the stuff until I came here.
8. Standard procedure is to signal for backup and then engage before it can devour civilians.
9. Five and three quarters.
10. There are no forests left.

[...Whaaat. For a moment, Bro just stares at those responses. Then he slow claps ironically and types out his response.]

1. go to the store right now and get yourself some sodas. go go go. get back to me when youve had pepsi and coke.
2. ohoh. very good.
3. man you think too small. youve gotta jam that baby in a persons windpipe. or maybe the aorta.
4. what vaults?
5. its hypothetical sherlock.
6. but do they taste like chicken?
7. wow are you from a desert world or what?
8. A+
9. A++
10. seriously. a desert?

Not a desert; we've still got regular weather patterns and stuff. It's just that all the trees were eaten by the Aragami years ago.

Also, chicken is kind of...bland, I guess? It's got nothing on street dog.

The windpipe does work, yeah, but...I dunno, it's hard to beat the convenience of the eye socket - even if you don't manage to reach the brain you've at least managed to partially blind them.

aragami. right. okay.

is dog the kinda thing thats eaten around here? i dunno. its illegal where im from.

eye socket is tougher to aim for. the wind pipe is huge and easy to reach. people have this nasty habit of shielding their face or turning it away when you aim for that.

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dontrunawayfromliving - 2014-03-15 22:12 (UTC) - Expand

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stridercentric - 2014-03-19 00:29 (UTC) - Expand

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dontrunawayfromliving - 2014-03-19 18:15 (UTC) - Expand

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stridercentric - 2014-03-20 22:48 (UTC) - Expand

[Why a sudden pop quiz shit did he miss class--oh okay.

...might as well fill it out anyway. He likes prizes!]

1. Diet all the way babe! The normal ones got too much sugar for Michel so if you don't like it, well, that's just your opinion. 
2. Briefs all the way! When you got it, you flaunt it, baby!
3. Oh ho ho! I suppose you could go all poetic and say that art can be more powerful than words, but after seeing taachan slice demons in two, I think the answer is clearly swords!
4. The hell does that even mean?!
5. ...the what?
6. Dog
7. Because that's the color we see it
8. Noooo idea what a bigfoot is, but the hell's anyone robbing a bank while Michel's around! He'll regret trying to take away anyone's money, I'll beat him up!
9. 77/4 | 19.25 
10. Yes because the woodland creatures will hear it anyway, and the demons might try to make a contact with you based on it.

Edited 2014-03-15 01:41 (UTC)

1. are you fucking serious. dont you know diet shit can give you cancer? plus it makes you an arrogant hipster. get some sugar in you before you start erupting into more bullshit.
3. are you saying demons cant be killed with a pen?
4. grab a dictionary bro.
5. see above.
7. ohoh. very philosophical. i like it.
9. where the hell are you getting 77 from? 6 x 7 = 42 - 19 = 23.
10. no seriously get some sugar in you. you dont sound healthy.

Excuse you?! I'm not an 'arrogant hipster' I'm a rock star!

Besides:
3 + 3 x 7 - 19 / 4
This shit's basic math. First you do the multiplications and divisions:

3 + (3 x 7) - (19 / 4)

3 + 21 - 4.75

Then the rest!

19.25

[And that's how far he got.]

i didnt say youre an arrogant hipster. i said diet sodas make you one. leave it to arrogant hipsters to make it all personal.

wtf since when do multiplications and divisions come first. are you shitting me. im gonna get in touch my old math teacher. i feel like my whole life is a big fucking lie.

While I don't particularly think this is a good waste of your time, your third question does remind me of the pens I developed a long while ago.

[As much as he hates to think about it, sometimes he does miss 007 for all his...his...everything.]

Edited 2014-03-15 01:56 (UTC)

[What the fuck, there's an old British dude who looks awfully familiar.]

what pens?

[He's sigh at the grammar in general but at this point he just rolls his eyes and kids these days.]

It's a particular brand that I made for agents in the field. A class three grenade.

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stridercentric - 2014-03-19 00:26 (UTC) - Expand

[Well... he's got time to kill. Might as well.]

1. Are these sodas? I like the clear ones.
2. Boxer briefs.
3. Are they just plain sword and pen?
4. Thirty four.
5. Zero, maybe. I don't know this one.
6. I like dogs. Pluto's pretty nice.
7. Chlorophyll. Magic may or may not play a part.
8. I think I'm supposed to go fight him.
9. This is why I'm glad I don't have to go to school anymore.
10. Probably, but I'd ask a flower just to make sure.

1. like mountain dew?
2. touche.
3. medium-sized sword versus ballpoint pen.
5. wtf. are you saying that swallow cant move forward while flying?
8. gee. ya think? how would you take that big guy down?
10. what the everliving fuck are you expecting a flower to say?

1. Like the ones that aren't brown. I don't know what that is either.
3. I think sword, then.
5. I don't know what the question meant to begin with.
8. I'm stronger than you'd think.
10. Some of the ones in Wonderland talk, so, I'd go there to figure out the question.

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stridercentric - 2014-03-19 00:16 (UTC) - Expand

1. Soder-cola
2. Thongs, but only because they allow for increased mobility. I can do wicked high kicks!
3. The sword is mightier unless you're trained to fight with a pen. I'm gonna learn that one day.
4. So much wood. so much.
5. Probably pretty fast.
6. dogs.
7. cause of science
8. Stop him! I don't care what someone looks like, crime is unacceptable!
9. about five.
10. It doesn't make a sound. It makes silence.

Edited 2014-03-15 02:23 (UTC)

congratulations miss. most of your answers are so goddamn ambiguous i have no choice but to mark them as correct. bonus points for your motivated answer to the 2nd question.

Sweet! Do I get a prize?

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