QUEEN SASSMOUTH (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tyrantball) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
compnetwork2014-02-12 01:17 pm
tyrantball) wrote in compnetwork2014-02-12 01:17 pm
Entry tags:
The Perils of Academia
As the feed switches on, it reveals Desco, wearing a unusual outfit. Her normal dress-like arrangement of chitin, spines, and eyes is gone, replaced with a crisp white blouse with medium-length sleeves and a sharply-pressed black skirt. Perched over her red eyes is a set of round, wire-rimmed spectacles. The overall effect is that of an efficient, no-nonsense secretary, or perhaps an overly strict teacher.
Who happens to be four years old, but there's not much Desco can do about that.
"Listen up, students! Your munificent Queen has remembered she has a day job as a highly-paid teacher at Netherworld Institute Evil Academy! And if she wants to continue drawing medical benefits, she has to slack off and teach something other than her specialty of applied Minionology!"
With that, she thumps the ruler in her hand against the easel behind her.
"That is why today, Desco will be teaching the basics of Little Sister Moe! When Desco finishes drilling knowledge into your empty skulls, you will know EVERYTHING about the duties of a Little Sister!"
Desco uses her ruler to point out the items on the crudely-drawn list.
"One! Adorable speech! All little sisters, in order to become even more beloved, adopt a charaterisitic vocal tic! Desco's should be perfectly obvious, and if you need her to explain it, well..."
Desco takes the other end of the ruler in her free hand and bares her teeth in a way that superficially resembles a grin.
"ONE HUNDRED YEARS DETENTION!"
Clearing her throat, Desco continues as if she hadn't said anything.
"Now, it is permissible to drop the vocal tic in certain specific situations - extremely emotionally charged family moments, or when turning into a fifty-foot avatar of cosmic madness in order to utterly annihilate your enemies!"
A broad wink from behind her (fake) glasses.
"Desco really likes the second one!"
She moves the ruler to underline the second point.
"A modest chest! It's well known that the ripe breasts of a mature woman are packed with hopes and dreams! That is why a little sister that has a bigger bust than her big sister IS NOT A LITTLE SISTER AT ALL. As a little sister, your chest must be modestly curved, a gentle slope that brings to mind the budding growth of spring! The downside is that it's a beacon for lecherous perverts, which brings us to the THIRD part of Little Sister Moe!"
Desco smiles happily as she smacks the ruler against the third point.
"Hidden violence! Desco cannot stress this enough - a little sister must appear helpless in order to seem cute! But that is not the same thing as being actually helpless! If the modest chest of a little sister attracts a degenerate pervert, there is no point in screaming cutely and waiting to be rescued if there is nobody around! When all a little sister has to rely on is herself, she cannot afford to let herself down!"
Desco nods very seriously.
"Now, Desco knows she doesn't look like it, but your teacher is pretty amazing at fighting, you know? But she knows that not all Little Sisters can aspire to the heights of perfection she has reached, so she will never hold it against any little sister that needs a force multiplier! Desco understands that humans manufacture one-shot holdout guns that are tiny and cute, which seem like just the thing to defend yourself! While the subhuman degenerate is drooling over your chest, simply take out your gun, press it against their temple, and slowly squ-e-e-e-ze that trigger! You can then safely dispose of the gun and claim that they were shot dead by a wandering assassin! It is the perfect way to preserve your innocent, helpless appearance and maidenly virtue!"
A slight pause as Desco puts down the ruler and claps her hands together.
"And this concludes Little Sister Moe 101! Please regard Desco's teaching attempts kindly and remember to upvote - she gets a free coffee mug if she hits the top ten list! Tune in next time when Desco teaches 'Electronic Surveillance And You - A How-To Guide for Little Sisters!'"
Who happens to be four years old, but there's not much Desco can do about that.
"Listen up, students! Your munificent Queen has remembered she has a day job as a highly-paid teacher at Netherworld Institute Evil Academy! And if she wants to continue drawing medical benefits, she has to slack off and teach something other than her specialty of applied Minionology!"
With that, she thumps the ruler in her hand against the easel behind her.
"That is why today, Desco will be teaching the basics of Little Sister Moe! When Desco finishes drilling knowledge into your empty skulls, you will know EVERYTHING about the duties of a Little Sister!"
Desco uses her ruler to point out the items on the crudely-drawn list.
"One! Adorable speech! All little sisters, in order to become even more beloved, adopt a charaterisitic vocal tic! Desco's should be perfectly obvious, and if you need her to explain it, well..."
Desco takes the other end of the ruler in her free hand and bares her teeth in a way that superficially resembles a grin.
"ONE HUNDRED YEARS DETENTION!"
Clearing her throat, Desco continues as if she hadn't said anything.
"Now, it is permissible to drop the vocal tic in certain specific situations - extremely emotionally charged family moments, or when turning into a fifty-foot avatar of cosmic madness in order to utterly annihilate your enemies!"
A broad wink from behind her (fake) glasses.
"Desco really likes the second one!"
She moves the ruler to underline the second point.
"A modest chest! It's well known that the ripe breasts of a mature woman are packed with hopes and dreams! That is why a little sister that has a bigger bust than her big sister IS NOT A LITTLE SISTER AT ALL. As a little sister, your chest must be modestly curved, a gentle slope that brings to mind the budding growth of spring! The downside is that it's a beacon for lecherous perverts, which brings us to the THIRD part of Little Sister Moe!"
Desco smiles happily as she smacks the ruler against the third point.
"Hidden violence! Desco cannot stress this enough - a little sister must appear helpless in order to seem cute! But that is not the same thing as being actually helpless! If the modest chest of a little sister attracts a degenerate pervert, there is no point in screaming cutely and waiting to be rescued if there is nobody around! When all a little sister has to rely on is herself, she cannot afford to let herself down!"
Desco nods very seriously.
"Now, Desco knows she doesn't look like it, but your teacher is pretty amazing at fighting, you know? But she knows that not all Little Sisters can aspire to the heights of perfection she has reached, so she will never hold it against any little sister that needs a force multiplier! Desco understands that humans manufacture one-shot holdout guns that are tiny and cute, which seem like just the thing to defend yourself! While the subhuman degenerate is drooling over your chest, simply take out your gun, press it against their temple, and slowly squ-e-e-e-ze that trigger! You can then safely dispose of the gun and claim that they were shot dead by a wandering assassin! It is the perfect way to preserve your innocent, helpless appearance and maidenly virtue!"
A slight pause as Desco puts down the ruler and claps her hands together.
"And this concludes Little Sister Moe 101! Please regard Desco's teaching attempts kindly and remember to upvote - she gets a free coffee mug if she hits the top ten list! Tune in next time when Desco teaches 'Electronic Surveillance And You - A How-To Guide for Little Sisters!'"
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"Desco has no problem with them running away, but what if they can't?"
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