Avitus, Razielim clan burdie (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
poorlittleblueburdie) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
compnetwork2013-12-21 03:13 pm
poorlittleblueburdie) wrote in compnetwork2013-12-21 03:13 pm
Entry tags:
Shadow post: backdated a day or two [video]
[This Shadow's posting from what looks like just outside a coffee shop somewhere. He's holding a hot cup hot chocolate, blowing at it a bit while he waits for it to cool down; he looks more or less like he always does...
...except even more girlish in appearance than usual. There's something subtly different about his features' shapes, he seems to have more black/dark blue eye makeup on, and his hair's out of its short ponytail and falls in ringlets around his face, despite him having attempted to tuck it behind his long ears.
He doesn't look happy, though he isn't looking up from blowing at his drink, eye color hidden by his eyelashes.]
So everyone has a duplicate of themselves running around this place now, it seems. And they've been causing problems for real people, the ones they resemble. Mine... well, my other self here is a liar. It seems he's been outright lying to everyone about almost everything.
And I think everyone here knows me well enough to know I'm no fighter; I've never trained a day in my life. So I'm going to need some help getting rid of him. Would anyone be so kind as to assist me?
...except even more girlish in appearance than usual. There's something subtly different about his features' shapes, he seems to have more black/dark blue eye makeup on, and his hair's out of its short ponytail and falls in ringlets around his face, despite him having attempted to tuck it behind his long ears.
He doesn't look happy, though he isn't looking up from blowing at his drink, eye color hidden by his eyelashes.]
So everyone has a duplicate of themselves running around this place now, it seems. And they've been causing problems for real people, the ones they resemble. Mine... well, my other self here is a liar. It seems he's been outright lying to everyone about almost everything.
And I think everyone here knows me well enough to know I'm no fighter; I've never trained a day in my life. So I'm going to need some help getting rid of him. Would anyone be so kind as to assist me?
LAAAAAAATE [Video]
[Just how many of them were there...?]
I'm late, you're late, we're all late here~ /Cheshire Grin [video]
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[Wait.]
What... do you mean?
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[He sips at his drink a little bit more again, frowning at it.]
I'm tired of lying. Everything's been a lie since I was fourteen years old, Aoi.
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[...The original Avitus.]
...What do you mean...? Lying...?
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He hasn't even told you how old he really is. [Managing to drink the hot chocolate more easily; it's cooler now, yay! ....And he peeks up at her. His irises are reddish, not golden yellow, but it's less a matter of him trying to hide them from her, and more that his attention's been on his drink, is all.] ...Has he? Because he isn't twenty-two. He'd only just turned seventeen. He's willing to lie about even a detail like that.
...And why he was so agreeable to the arrangement wherein he keeps your house clean. How do you trust him, honestly?
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[She knows that feeling well.]
You've been nothing but kind to me. Of course I would trust you. It doesn't matter to me what sort of past you have - I can tell that you mean well, and that's what matters to me.
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[He's still calm, just... eyeing her suspiciously now.]
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To protect him from the dangers of this world to the best of my ability.
[There is absolute certainty in her words.]
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...And he'll lie about that, too.
[He takes a sip of his drink, glowering at it like a sulky child.]
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[She stops herself, shaking her head slightly. This isn't her place to pry.]
...There are things that everyone finds difficult to speak about. But all the same... Dragging it out of someone is just cruel.
If he wants to speak of it someday, that is his decision to make. But I can only help him if he wants to be helped.
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Even if he knew how to start, he'd have to stop lying to himself before he'd be honest with anyone else, you realize...? And he doesn't know how to do that, either....
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And when that day comes... I'd like to be with him to help him through it.
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He has the time, but that's the problem. Besides, whether or not he has it, you don't. This has gone on for milennia, and you expect what, that he'll finally change within your lifetime?
He'll realize the years involved and fall right back into his habits. It's happened so many times, he's lost count. I told you, he doesn't know any other way. If you truly do want to help him, however, I can make it all quite simple.
[A pause as he re-thinks that--]
...Well, for the most part.
You see... we both have one particular wish in common. I'm simply the one willing to admit it.
[He takes another drink of his hot chocolate while he gives her a pause to think it over.]
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...And what is that?
and here he gets more explicitly morbid.... :/
Well, the difficult part would doubtless be in trying to undo what distinguishes a vampire's soul from a human's. For that, we would have to see whether anyone here is skilled in the arts of necromancy, I would imagine.
The simple part would merely involve a blade, to start with. [A slight hesitation, considering it--] ...For preference, anyhow.
[He shrugs, looking back to his drink.] He never wanted what he has. I do. It would be solving two problems at once, really.
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...If that's the case...
I won't do it. Death is not the answer. There are other ways to save someone-- there are always other ways.
Whether it's you, or the Avitus I've been living with all this time... I won't kill him.
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Then you're not helping. It's as simple as that.
[He gives her an annoyed look.] What else would you do, ask him what's wrong, and give him a pat on the back once he's told you of his misadventures of the day? Again, he's been telling everyone what he thinks they want to hear since he was fourteen. The lie of him being content with living is how he forces himself to survive. Because that's what everyone else wants.
And what do you think he'll have, or want, if he stops lying? ...If he even can?
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And... to help you, too.
[Because this apparition - even though it speaks so differently from Avitus, at the core...
They are the same, aren't they?]
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What other help is there for him, when his problem is that he's trapped being something he never wanted to be, in a life he never wanted? What other help is there, for someone who wanted to have died a human and stayed that way?
He doesn't want this, Aoi. I do. It's as simple as--
[He breaks off, attention suddenly on someone out of view of the camera, ahead of him. He lowers his voice when he speaks to them, glaring daggers.] Avert your eyes, or I will remove them. [He watches them as they continue past him there on the street, and then turns back to the camera, taking a breath to try settling back down. Looks like it was an Incubus, who's chancing looking him over again now that his back is turned, but he re-folds his wings again after, cutting off the view.]
...it's as simple as that. [Pff, like that interruption didn't just happen. He glances behind him, but it seems the demon was smart enough to take the hint and leave, so he takes another sip of his drink again.]
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Even when he returns his attention to the camera, she's still obviously on edge.]
...People can come to accept. People can come to enjoy their lives, even if they were forced into a terrible fate.
[Each person has their own star of fate to bear, and some find it to be much more of a burden than others. Where she had leapt to follow her fate, Komaki had always struggled. And once she found out the true nature of her own fate...
She had needed to come to terms with it, too.]
...I would like to find a way to show you that. Instead of just tolerance, accepting what has happened and finding a way to create joy in it.
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You don't get it. There is no happy ending to this for him. When he finally dies, there will be no rest; there isn't, for vampires. He'll never grow any older like he wanted; he was murdered before that could happen... so that he'd stay how he is. Never age another day, and watch everyone around him die. He hates heights, and yet he's burdened with wings he never wanted.
[He tilts his head a bit at her, as though studying her.] Or haven't you noticed that he never flies anywhere?
Smiling regardless and pretending he's made peace with it all is what's kept him from breaking. Again, I mean. He tried that before, but Winnoc wouldn't let him put an end to it, and now he's managed to convince himself that no one would manage without him if he did.
There's only one thing to do to help, Aoi. He won't ever be happy, and I would gladly take what he doesn't want. Why can't you understand that?