You are so dumb. This is incredible. Thousands of years of evolution and humans have finally succeeded in creating the most idiotic sapient creature that's ever walked the land. I can't believe it. This must have been the reason you all went so wrong.

CORN DOESN'T HAVE A SOUL YOU BUFFOON.

And you chop down one tree and I'll be using you as firewood. You want a defender; you're looking at her.

...Metaphorically.